much better but...still...

Assalamualaikum n elo...

1stly...
thank you again...guys~for all the best wishes...muah~!!i love u all~!!!

yup2...that's right...i felt much better than yesterday...
what happened actually?hmmm....for the 1st time ever...i fail my SOCA...yup FAIL~and i didn't expect that b'coz for me...my performance is better than the last SOCA...

what happened in last SOCA (4th sem)?hmm...i dun remember whether i stated in this blog or not..but the last SOCA..i passed it..and satisfied with my mark eventhough not A~the thing that making me really sad...feeling bad...is..the doctors' (the examiners) comments...why?they said that they didn't understand what i presented...if it's not clear...i can tolerate...i can understand...not understand?i'm totally feeling down after that..thank God they let me pass the SOCA...thank God that i managed to do my OSCE...

and..yesterday...the thing that i afraid of happened...
i FAIL yesterday's SOCA...like i said just now...not expected but i'm not that as sad as the previous one...it's like i'm...ready for that...not quite sad...but...i cried yesterday b'coz of mama's voice...her soft voice making me...felt guilty + suddenly not satisfied with my result (oh no...i'm wanna cry now T-T)...she said it's all right...i had tried my best...i know that...i know that i can do it...the case is one of my targeted cases & i'm prepared for the case...but...it's not my time to taste the sweetness of 'excel'...tq mama...i cried b'coz she's just too kind...and the freinds who cared for me...tq for the advices...

yesterday?hmm...just eat all i want...hahaha...dun worry coz i'm not that easy to gain weight...that's why i love eating~>///< style="font-weight: bold;"> COPD...today...the complication - Cor Pulmonale...
i just explained briefly on anatomy, histology, physiology of airways + heart + circulation + only pathophysiology of case + brief explanation on management...still...they let me pass...thank you doctors...i knew my mark...70/100 for this remedial...Alhamdulillah...eventhough that mark will be converted to C mark...i still accept this...

still feeling bad for yesterday...why?
because...the doctors that examined me yesterday say something about me to other person...they not referring to me but i know that's me..."you failed b'coz u dun hv enough time but enough ponit but the other one failed b'coz not enough point"...that's me!!
i know that..but why they had to say that to other people?as their opening to comment that person?why?just kept it to ur self is enough...dun say it to other...
i dun mind if that coming out from my mouth...but not from others'...
i admit...i dun hav enough point...
no histology (10 marks i think for this) + not clear on the pathophysiology of case + no prognosis + not enough eye contact with examniner = FAIL
just that...
not enough eye contact?i looked at them - one look sleepy + yawning...another one making boring + moody face...so?how's that?
didn't ask the mark from them...making me so broken heart if the mark is 55!

but still...
Alhadulillah..i pass this SOCA...dun wanna think about that again...focus on my OSCE after this...
i feel much2 better now...after saying this in this blog...it's not i'm blaming or talking bad about other people...just wanna show...how cruel this life can be...not always sweet but there will be a little bit of bitterness...not all the things will going well as we plan...
i know all things happened come from me...my mistake...i accept all of them as part of my experience...my life...teaching me to grow up more maturely...teaching me to be confident but overly confident...i really grateful to ALLAH for this...

btw...
thanks to babah coz giving me such advice...i really appreciate that...for the 1st time...babah talked to me on the phone more than 3 minutes...2 times this morning...huhuhu...love u babah~
thanks to mama too...for ur kindness...love u too...
love u both a lot~
my..my...i really wanna go home now~
no...i'm going to cry again...not because of sadness but happiness...

ok...continue with today's mission~
OSCE..15 clinical skills to be memorized...must get above 80 in all the skills to pass...
please...make my dream come true~amiinnn~

wish me a very best of luck~
*love,hugs,kisses,peace*

XOXO - 'Expect the best, and you'll get it' - yeah~OSCE!!!charge~!!!